5 Tips for Supporting a Depressed Parent

Experiencing a loved one who is depressed is always tough. When that loved one happens to be a parent, you might feel helpless and afraid, as you love your parent, but aren't sure how to help them. Senior citizens can become depressed for a variety of reasons, such as declining physical ability, a chronic physical illness (e.g stroke), friends and family passing away, history of anxiety/depression, and dissatisfaction with how they lived their life. For example, they may feel like they didn’t accomplish enough, or that so much has changed, it is hard to cope. When talking with your parent, or observing them, be sure to note if they have tried any new medications, as medications can bring on side effects such as depression. Note their appetite as well, as lack of appetite can be due to depression, but can also be a side effect of medication or another health condition, such as a thyroid disorder. Eating less can result in feeling weaker, and/or malnutrition, which could also lead to depression. 

A lot of seniors don't recognize the symptoms of depression, equate it to weakness, and/or refuse to talk about their mental health for fear of burdening their loved ones. How can you support a depressed parent? Here are some helpful tips.

1.  Look out for the symptoms– Seniors are unlikely to bring up their mental health struggles, so you need to be very observant. Look out for the following, they are signs that your parent might be depressed.

• A sudden change in eating or sleeping habits
• A visible struggle with getting older
• A struggle with a physical illness
• Frequently talking about death 
• Not caring about things they used to, such as their appearance, socializing, or engaging in previous hobbies
• A change in their routine, such as waking up later, not caring for their plants or home
• Being less engaging (more quiet)
• Crying more frequently or visibly appearing more sad

2. Encourage them to see a therapist– Gently suggest that your parent see a therapist to discuss the symptoms they are experiencing. It might help them if you let them know therapy helped your or a friend, and how. Normalizing therapy, and how it can help a variety of symptoms and life circumstances, can help. Make sure you suggest it in a way that doesn’t make them feel weak or unable to cope. Schedule an appointment on their behalf and go with them the first time. Monitor them to make sure they attend sessions regularly and take their medication (if this applies). 

3. Offer your love and care- Make a greater effort to be there for them and do things that will make their lives easier. For example, you can help them get groceries and do laundry. Make sure you offer help in a way that doesn’t make them feel like they aren’t capable of taking care of themselves. For many elderly people, admitting that they’re depressed and need help can be difficult. You can tell your loved one you like spending time with them, so you would like to grocery shop with them. Ask them about their favorite foods and how to make a recipe, to show they are important to you. 

4. Talk to them about their feelings– Have open and honest conversations about how they’re feeling. Make sure you listen to them and honor their emotions. Listening offers direct support and comfort. Acknowledge their feeling and life changes and how those things are difficult. After actively listening, ask how you can help, and share something that has helped you cope during hard times.

5. Watch out for suicidal signs– If your parent displays any sign of suicidal thinking such as talking about death often and giving away family heirlooms or other important possessions, saying they don't want to go on anymore, making statements such as "what is the point of living"- you need to get them immediate help. Contact their therapist, call a suicide hotline, or take them to your local psychiatric emergency room immediately. Inform their primary care physician as well, so they may support your loved one and check for physical causes to sudden changes in emotions or mental status.

Watching your parent suffer from depression can be heartbreaking. It’s natural to want to force them to get help, but being pushy can cause them to withdraw from you. Take a gentle approach that makes them feel respected, cared for, and not alone in their feelings. Normalizing feelings can help your parent to see that other people have felt this way, and it has gotten better, especially when they sought out therapy. Practice patience, offer emotional support and ensure that they follow their therapist and physician's advice.

If your parent is showing signs of depression and you’re looking for a therapist who is experienced in geriatric concerns, contact us to book a session.

We’ll be happy to tell you about our practice and our approach to treating depression and anxiety, and if you feel that we’re a good match for you or your family member's needs needs, we can schedule therapy in Middlebury, CT or therapy in Southbury, CT at a date and time that’s convenient for you. We also offer telehealth visits for clients all throughout Connecticut. Our providers are trained in CBT, DBT, IFS, EMDR, mindfulness based techniques, and somatic experiencing, all of which can help you gain skills to assist with uncomfortable symptoms. Our APRN's can explore any medical conditions that may be contributing to your symptoms, and evaluate vitamin levels, as well as thyroid hormone levels, to determine if there is a physical factor to your symptoms. (or their symptoms). Together, as a team, we can work with you to help you gain more peace in your life. You and your loved ones deserve to feel better and to walk in peace.